YOU vs Human Teeth SONIC From the Horrifying First Movie Trailer – Who Would Win? (Sonic Meme)


It’s summer 2019, a far more simple and naive
time. You’ve heard rumors for a while now of a brand
new movie featuring everyone’s favorite super-speed garden critter, Sonic the Hedgehog, and with
great anticipation you rush to Youtube the day the first trailer is dropped! You click with supersonic speed that play
button, then lean back and prepare to take in all the wonderful, gooey nostalgia that’s
about to be delivered to you courtesy of Sony Pictures! Then ‘it’ appears on screen. It… looks like Sonic, but something is seriously
wrong. Its eyes are too small, and the wrong color
to boot. Also it looks just so… weirdly proportioned. Sonic looks less like a superpowered hedgehog
and more like a lanky teen hitting his first awkward growth spurt. But the true horror comes when it starts to
speak… is that… human teeth?! Did Sony give Sonic human teeth?! Yes, you realize with growing horror, Sonic
now has human teeth, because either some animator didn’t bother to do a second draft on the
character, or Sony used its millions of dollars to abduct an orphan from some dark alleyway
and genetically modify an innocent child into an actual talking hedgehog. With human teeth. Oh sure, a few months later and after a frantic
effort to avoid a colossal box office failure- here’s looking at you, Cats!- Sony would release
a new trailer, featuring a completely updated design of Sonic by an animator who doesn’t
hate the idea of fun. But Sony isn’t fooling you- you know ‘it’
is out there. Somewhere, likely lurking in the dark backlot
of Sony studios is the genetically modified freak hedgehog with human teeth, waiting to
take its revenge on a world that cried out in horror at its abominable appearance. It’s sort of like Phantom of the Opera, only
with a freakshow hedgehog. Well, not on your watch. You pack your bag and fly out to Los Angeles,
ready to storm Sony Studios’ gates and eliminate this C’thulhian abomination that should never
have been in the first place. So Sony Pictures accidentally unleashed a
genetically modified hedgehog with horrible human teeth on the world, and now that hedgehog
is looking to destroy the world that turned its back on its awfulness- how are you going
to fight and defeat Sonic the Hedgehog? To defeat your enemy, you must as always,
know your enemy. Sonic comes from a world we actually know
very little about. What is clear is that this is a world where
the common hedgehog evolved to become a supernaturally fast sprinter, and Sonic is easily head and
spikes above all other hedgehogs in this department. Called the fastest living creature, Sonic
spends his days looking for adventures, unable to sit still for very long. Typically this gets him into trouble with
his longtime adversary, Dr. Eggman Robotnik. Sonic possesses a very strong moral compass,
and thus frequently finds himself trying to unravel another plot by the nefarious Dr.
Eggman. Not much is known about Sonic’s past, save
for the fact that Dr. Eggman is his longest lasting relationship- which probably speaks
volumes about Sonic’s psyche. Whatever the origin of their feud, the two
are destined to continue battling forever it seems, as Sonic attempts to dismantle evil
plot after evil plot by the nefarious Doctor. What we do know about Sonic’s personality
is that he can be quite the sarcastic quipper, and loves nothing more than dropping a one-liner
as he defeats an enemy- in a sort of 80’s action movie kind of way. He’s extremely confident, perhaps overly confident,
but rarely gets himself into a spot he can’t get out of- except for water. Sonic is famously scared of water, and will
do anything he can do to avoid it. Perhaps it’s because water slows Sonic down,
though it’s been widely alluded that Sonic doesn’t know how to swim and often wears life
jackets if forced to be in water. Sonic brings quite a lot to the table when
it comes to a fight to the death. Obviously, he’s extremely fast- though exactly
how fast is unknown. Most people believe he is merely supersonic,
meaning that he can exceed the speed of sound, though some believe that he is hypersonic,
or up to four times faster than the speed of sound. It has been hinted at that Sonic can actually
move faster than the speed of light, at least for short bursts, and that possibly there’s
no limit to his speed. That’s largely because according to Sonic
himself, his power seems to increase by small increments daily, meaning the longer he is
alive the faster he’ll become. Luckily hedgehogs have an average lifespan
of only two to five years. All that speed lets Sonic run straight up
walls, run over water, and even along ceilings, although modern physics has a lot to say about
at least two of those abilities. Sonic can also achieve even faster bursts
of speed by taking a moment to rev up in place, and unleash a blindingly fast sprint that
can devastate anything he runs into. By curling up into a ball, Sonic can smash
through solid walls with his stiff spikes, which can become harder than steel. It’s not just Sonic’s legs that move at super
speed though, but crucially it’s his brain that also moves this fast. Having superspeed would be completely useless
if you didn’t have the ability to process sensory information at equally super fast
speeds- imagine if you could run at the speed of sound but your brain processed things at
the regular speed you have now. That would be one good way to turn yourself
into a high-speed pancake against a wall somewhere since you’d be moving too fast to react
to it. Sonic’s speed-centric powers also allow him
to heal very quickly by vibrating his body at high speed. While science is still not settled on the
specifics, initial research shows that a cat’s purring causes vibrations that actually help
wounds heal. In essence, the vibration simulates high intensity
exercise which promotes bone and muscle growth, only with the handy shortcut of not having
to actually do any exercise. This might be the secret behind Sonic’s incredibly
speed- if he simply vibrated his body at high speed for several minutes each day, it would
be like his muscles were getting an intense workout, getting ever stronger and stronger. Sonic can also protect himself from danger
by causing a rapid vibration with his body that creates a shockwave around him, deflecting
projectiles or damaging foes. He can also run in a circle super fast and
thus create strong winds with which to blow enemies away or suck them in. Lastly, Sonic appears to be incredibly resilient
to damage, probably as a result of his super-Hulked out muscles. He’s able to burst through walls with no visible
damage, and once even survived re-entry into the earth from outer space. If that wasn’t enough though, Sonic can become
empowered with various artifacts to reach incredible new heights of power. Luckily for you though, you’re facing off
against an impostor Sonic with human teeth, so this Sonic won’t be able to go super-saiyan
on you and obliterate you with lightning bolts. However, even without this power-up ability,
you’re in for one hell of a fight. So, just how in the world are you going to
defeat impostor Sonic? First, you’re going to have to pick your battlefield. You want to avoid fighting Sonic in a place
that lets him use his greatest advantage: speed, and one that’s going to trigger his
natural fears and insecurities. This means you’re going to need water. A mangrove forest is going to be your choice,
as it features a lot of flooded strands that Sonic will be reluctant to cross, and enough
trees packed tightly enough in that it’ll force Sonic to duck and weave as he tries
to make his way to you. Let’s face it, in his world Sonic can violate
the rules of physics all he wants- in ours though, not so much. While having Sonic run into you at full speed
will leave you as nothing more than a fine red mist slowly dissipating in the wind, Sonic
is going to have to avoid the same fate himself as he ducks and waves through tree trunks
at super fast speeds. You’ve got home-turf advantage here, you’ve
got a world where the laws of physics says that Sonic going full-tilt on his super speed
is going to super-wreck his day, no matter how tough he is. The next part of your plan to defeat Sonic
though is going to require some genetic engineering, and luckily with Sony Pictures realizing they’ve
let loose a genetic atrocity on the world, they’ll likely be more than willing to lend
you the aid of the same evil geneticists that they hired to create this imposter sonic in
the first place. Commercial adhesives generally come in two
varieties: cyanoacrylates and epoxies. Cyanoacrylates are known as instant glues,
and are generally used by home DIY’ers and kids in art classes that want to get their
scissors stuck to their hands or some other area of their body. These glues dry quickly and provide an extremely
powerful bond, as they are resistant to chemical removal, water, and even heat. However they are not very flexible and will
become brittle if forced to expand, contract, or bend. Epoxies are used in everything from aircraft
to boats, and are strong, very flexible, and waterproof. They also resist heat and cold very well,
which makes them ideal for high-performance machines such as airplanes and cars. Yet as powerful as even epoxies are, there
is another type of glue that is up to three times more powerful than anything man-made,
and no, it has nothing to do with spider silk! The tiny bacterium, Caulobacter crescentus,
has been discovered to produce what may be the toughest glue in the world, and since
we’re not aware of life on any other planet, it officially makes this the strongest adhesive
in the universe. Sorry, aliens, if you want to be counted maybe
stop hiding from us. Using adhesive strands, the bacterium attaches
itself to rocks in rivers, streams, and water pipes, and rides out even the strongest currents
never once budging an inch. Scientists aren’t quite sure how the bacterium
accomplishes this incredible feat, but they’ve made some headway into recreating the stuff
in a laboratory, with dreams of using this super glue commercially. How strong is it though you may ask? Well, it can withstand a force equal to three
cars piled on top of a single quarter, or in more plainspeak, “a buttload of force”. Imposter Sonic with creepy human teeth is
a threat to the whole planet, and there’s no doubt that Sony will gladly put its evil
geneticists to work on developing a commercial version of this bacteria’s super glue- while
taking a break from bastardazing more of your favorite childhood figures of course. Armed with a few gallons of this super glue,
defeating imposter Sonic is as simple as dousing him in the stuff. He can vibrate, he can flail around, he can
throw a tantrum all he wants- this stuff is so strong that Sonic won’t be able to do anything
but resign himself to his ultimate fate. But how do you kill a hedgehog that’s basically
bulletproof? Well, there’s only one place to make sure
this evil Sonic lookalike never sees the light of day again. For fans of our You Versus series, you already
know that there’s some evil so powerful, you can never truly defeat it. You’re also aware that we’re fans of simply
throwing that evil into the deepest, darkest places one earth where it’ll remain trapped
forever. That’s right, it’s time to introduce this
Sonic impostor to the Litke Deep, the deepest spot in the Arctic ocean. Over seventeen thousand feet deep, this is
a place untouched by the world’s fishing fleets, which like to drop nets to the ocean floor
and scoop up hundreds of fish at a time. It’s also the home of other evils you simply
can’t truly defeat, such as Pinhead and Chucky the murder doll, both of which you’ve already
dropped to the briny depths of the Litke Deep in previous You Versus episodes- at least
fake sonic will have great company! So defeating your glued-up Sonic is basically
just one boat ride away. Shove him overboard and try not to look into
his eerily-human like features that look up at you in terror as the deep black water swallows
him up. Try not to think that it’s not his fault Sony
made him into a modern Frankenstein, and definitely don’t get guilt-tripped into feeling bad about
the fact that this poor Sonic impostor never asked to be born in the first place- because
hey, you did it, you defeated the evil Sonic impostor and saved the world. Now, maybe it’s time to defeat Sony Pictures
so they never again let loose such evil on our world again. Now click that mouse at supersonic speed and
click one of the super interesting videos right here on the screen! Be fast! You don’t have much time! Both videos are awesome! I promise!

100 thoughts on “YOU vs Human Teeth SONIC From the Horrifying First Movie Trailer – Who Would Win? (Sonic Meme)

  1. I am pretty sure that if you put pinhead,chucky, or HTS (Human Teeth Sonic) through the worlds largest particle collider then all of those evil creatures will have their atoms separated,TOTALLY killing all them all. or you could give them all a "bath" (individually for safety) in the world's most potent acid(like you did to deadpool)

  2. Wait since his speed is increased isn’t is perception increased as well meaning he could get out of the way of trees and other objects?

  3. On behalf of everyone here, I understand that you're trying to provide quality content, but you can never rid my memory of this monstrosity. It lives in my head, slowly devouring my sanity.

  4. Is nobody going to mention that human teeth sonic was a child and that you the viewer just killed that child why not make sony turn human teeth sonic back to normal

  5. Well sorry to break it to you but you cant win the moment you see that terrifying freak with human teeth you will die immediately from the ugliness

  6. I asked for this vid last week and now.it's out this just proofed that they listen thank u so much for this amazing vid it means alot to me

  7. Internet: we have an army of memes.
    Infographics: Hold my high quality video, animators, scriptwriters, star, girlfriend, and narrator.

  8. Remember that episode of The Walking Dead where Rick chewed that guy's neck out? Yeah, if imagine it would be like that

  9. Meh, I was game to see the original and I hope they put it on the blu Ray disc. People on the internet bullied the animators to redo and have to do crunch time. All that effort and those people will be hypocrites when the movie flops. Which it will

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