How to Get Your Ex Back from Someone Else – The Decoy Strategy

Hey there, this is Clay and today we’re going
to talk about whether or not it is possible to get your ex back from someone else and
this is something that is very common that I see a lot of these days that people will
break up with somebody and then go right into a rebound relationship immediately. And there are a lot of reasons why I think
people are doing this these days, but we can talk about that a different time, but more
importantly, is it possible to get your ex back from another person after they’ve broken
up with you and gotten into a relationship with that other person. And, the answer from working with thousands
of people over the years is yes, it absolutely is possible to get your ex back from somebody
else, from a rebound relationship. Now, in order for me to kind of cement this
idea in your mind so that you’re not just taking my word for it, I’m going to tell you
a little bit about some behavioral psychology or sociology that has been conducted at, I
believe it was MIT. But you can read about this in a book called
Predictably Irrational by a guy named Dan Ariely, and he is a professor at, I believe
it was MIT, and he decided to conduct some experiments on his students and some other
volunteering subjects, but, he found that the human brain has a very difficult time
comparing two different things to one another. So for example, are you a better partner or
a lover than your ex’s rebound is? Is your ex’s rebounded better partner or lover
than you are? I don’t know. It’s hard to say because you’re both very
different people. You’re both extremely different and it’s very
difficult to actually compare and say, okay, well this one is better than this one, or
this one is better than this one. And so what Dan Ariely did was he devised
a bunch of tests that actually don’t relate at all to breakups, but they related to things
like dating, that relate to things like how people make buying purchases, et cetera. And, he found that this principle applied
across basically every possible expression in our daily lives. And, what this was that, when faced with two
very different things, it’s very difficult to decide which one is better, right? Like we just talked about, but if there are
two similar things, we will actually have a pretty good idea about which one is better. We have a pretty good idea about which one
we would rather want. And the interesting thing is that we will
pick the better of these two similar things at the exclusion of everything else. Okay. So one of the most interesting studies that
he did was he showed people pictures of different people, right? And ask them, which one they found most attractive. And what was interesting was he showed a picture
of a nice looking person and then a picture of a similar but not quite so attractive person. And then of course pictures of other people
as well. And what he discovered was that people would
pick the more attractive of the two similar looking people as the most attractive person
in the set the majority of the time. Okay. And this is what we call the Decoy Effect,
and I’ve observed this many times as well, helping people get back together with their
ex. So how do you leverage this Decoy Effect to
get back together with your ex, right? You don’t have some mysterious clone out there
that looks a little bit uglier than you to, to kind of convince your ex to think of you
as the best option in the dating, landscape out there. So what do you do? So here’s what we have discovered works the
best for our clients. And that is what you do is you want to use
this Decoy Effect by basically changing how you’re interacting with your ex. Changing the way that you are bringing yourself
to the interactions. Right? And we talk about cultivating what we call
Advanced Relational Skills. And these are skills that allow you to connect
better with your ex, to bond better with your ex, to tune into the emotional currents that
are going on between you and your ex at a much deeper level. To have more composure with your ex, to build
more trust and devotion between you and your ex and when compared with the person that
they broke up with, the old you, it’s much clearer that you are, the current you, the
one who has worked in all of these skills, is the much better choice between you and
the person that they broke up with. Right? And this leverages the Decoy Effect to exclude
all other possible people that your ex might potentially be interested in dating, including
their rebound partner. And this is really the best way to go about
getting your ex back from a rebound because I’m sure you already know, bad mouthing your
ex’s new partner, attacking them in some way, that’s just not gonna work. It’s just gonna come across as petty. So what you want to do is you want to really
focus on yourself and focus on the connection that you have between you and your ex because
then you can leverage this Decoy Strategy in order to get your ex back from somebody
else. So I hope this has helped explain a little
bit about how you can go ahead and get your ex back. If you’d like to learn more about how to use
the Decoy Strategy specifically, about things like the Advanced Relational Skills and, all
of these other things to help you connect better with your ex so that you can out shine
the version of yourself that they broke up with, and use the Decoys Strategy. Please head on over to our website at You can sign up for our newsletter there and
we can start helping you by giving you advice and tips and strategies to get back together
with your ex, including how to have better conversations, better interactions with your
ex by using things like the Decoy Strategy to get them back from another person. But I want to leave by just promising you
that just because your ex is in a rebound relationship, it does not mean that you cannot
get back together with them. It does not mean that your situation is hopeless. It does not mean that it was a lost cause. I do not care what your ex said. If they said that this is this is the one,
if they’re getting engaged or getting married, whatever it is, if they are in a rebound relationship,
then you absolutely can still get them back from that other person. And the best way to do that is to use the
Decoy Strategy. So again, please check out the website over
at This has been Clay and I’ll talk to you in
the next video.

32 thoughts on “How to Get Your Ex Back from Someone Else – The Decoy Strategy

  1. hey Clay,my girlfriend jumped into a relationship with a guy I called my brother, this guy is in prison now,she cheated on me with him too,but I still want her back,it's been nine months since the break up,I tried no contact and failed a few times,what can I do?

  2. I just got this message: "I want you to know that i met someone very special and, well, he proposed to me. I said yes…. I wanted you to know… I am sorry if this hurts you. I know its fast. But it feels right".
    It hasn't even been a month! LOL!
    I'm not quite sure what my initial response should be. Like, what does one say to that? Good find? High five? I'm sooo happy for you? This is an awkward moment, to say the least.

  3. What do you do if your ex puts you in the ''friends with benefits'' zone? I want to be able to use it as a way to bond with him… ): He rushed things too quickly and blames it on me. I just want to start over again.

  4. Should I try to seem like a friend to her so that I can approach her again while she is with the new guy or should I detach from her so that she maybe one day will feel my absence? Maybe she wont even care if she is so over me by now… 🙁 Please, I need your advice!!

  5. Thanks for checking out this video. If you'd like to learn more about Advanced Relational Skills, check out this playlist:

  6. Why would anyone want to get their ex back if that person left u for someone else ???? Cmon pleople . Y’all can do much better than that . Don’t take them back . Move on .

  7. I’m confident she’ll ruin it herself.. she’s already started to show her true colors and I know that cause my sis bf.. she was clingy, needy and all that nastiness and it actually pissed him off.. he still is denying they are anything more than friends. But being a higher value person than her.. he can keep on moving on.. ur vids are just helpful for next time. :). I only care about getting a chance to say what I want to

  8. Look, why in the world would you want to win someone back who left you, or you left them, but they thought so little of you that they immediately hop in the next wagon. Screw that. Be a priority not an option, and definitely not the fallback.

  9. My ex literally broke up with me for a girl that looks JUST like me and has sooo many similarities I’m like umm wtf

  10. Haii clay i need ur help, im already finish my no contact period, we getting back together and get laid as a couple but she’s still with the rebound guy, what should i do?

  11. what if my husband, after he asked for divorce, shut me out (communication I mean) and replaced me with a male work friend? If we do exchange few sentences, he has to mention him in every text, it's already funny. I had to move to another town for work, so his friend moved into our house and very openly supports my husband in drinking, smoking weed, chasing girls and telling him not to rebuild our relationship… it's been 2 months of separation now, and I did everything you suggested, me and my husband have great moments together when we do see each other now, but every time his "friend" tries intentionally to mess it up, and not leaving his side. I'm lost on what to do…

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